What if we didn’t judge others feelings and emotions so fast?

Sometimes I hear people react to other persons sadness, suffering or fear with: ”Don’t play out that victim of yours”. Or something like that. And I also hear some people saying that being sad, crying, or showing worry is ”feminin drama”.

And I find that harsh.

Why label a feeling like that? Why say that is something wrong with a person showing a feeling? Or being emotional?
Why not just let us have those feelings and emotions, and not judge them?

When I was newly divorced, six years ago, it happened that I had what one might call panic attacks. And I had a lot of strong emotions. I was often overwhelmed. I didn’t recognize the woman who was screaming and crying, and sometimes almost fainted.

And then I met a priest, telling him that I didn’t behave normal, that I didn’t recognize myself, and that life was sort of a mess. I didn’t pity myself, it was just like it felt weird to be me. And he said: Your situation isn’t normal, and therefore it would be abnormal if you acted normal. But if you still is in this abnormal state two years from now, then it is abnormal, by then you will probably ”be normal” again.

And that was what actually happened.

It was so relieving to me, not to be judged by him, not to hear ”why are you playing the victim here”. And that helped me to embrace myself, what ever state I was in.
And I am slowly learning to accept that my sensitivity seems to be higher than for most people. I feel a lot. Many emotions surfaces. I allow myself to be sad, or afraid or feeling shame - and I’ve learned not to drown in those feelings and emotions.

And I would love to live in a world where we judge ourselves and others less than we do today. Where we not rapidly try to label ourselves and others.

When I lead groups I ask the participants NOT to try to bring a napkin to a person crying, or approach to give a hug. Sometimes feelings and emotions needs space. And the person who ”helps out” might actually suppress the emotions in the sad person. And the sad person might think: ”It’s not okay to show sadness”.
What I ask people is to ask for help when they need it. Ask for a napkin, ask for a hug, ask to be seen. In that way we sort of normalize a range of feelings and emotions.

And sometimes, when someone calls me a victim, I wonder how much of that is really projections, saying more about the person judging me, than about me.

So be sad, if you are sad. And notice f you have a pattern, where you hide behind feelings and emotions. If you have the tendency to be angry or to cry (two opposites) maybe there is another emotion hidden underneath?

Through my life it’s been accepted to show anger, but not tears. So today I am happy if I reach to tears, because, then I’ve dived a bit deeper into myself, showing more of me, being more vulnerable.

My message is: Try not to judge others feelings and emotions. If it’s the right moment, maybe ask: What do you need from me in this moment? And be there with an open heart.