What if your ego is a balloon?
Sometimes I meet a person who seems very sure of himself (well, I’ve met this most in men). Sometimes he is boasting about what he is doing and how good he is. Sometimes some blaming of others, or putting others down is part of the scene.
And I, sometimes, feel sorry for him. And I am on the verge, but just on the verge, of saying:
– Do you need a hug?
Of course it’s more to it than that. I meet this persons who seems to have blown his ego up, without proportions. The balloon can become so big, that it might explode any moment. And from my perspective it’s sometimes like the ego of the person is in that big balloon, and on the ground stands an insecure boy, holding the cord, hoping for people to see the big ballon, instead of him in his smallness and insecurity.
What would happen to a person like that, if someone just took a tiny needle and broke the balloon? What would happen to the ego, his idea about status, who he is, who the world sees, his reputation, his hops and dreams? Would they die as the balloon shrinks and fall to the ground, and everybody could see the tiny floppy thing on the ground?
I guess I boasted my ego to some extends to hide myself, what is I, from being scrutinized or judged. I thought it was better if people disliked my ego (the role I played), instead of judging what is the core of me. It was sort of like a safe way to take.
And sometimes I’ve met persons who do want a hug, who do want a change, who are tired to play the part they’ve been playing until know. Who has a longing to show who they really are, but are so freaking frightened, that they cover up with the ego.
What happened to me when I started to show me, to be vulnerable in front of others, when I also started to be more visible to myself, was that love started to grow.
Some of that ”ego-acting” had led me into if not self-hating, so to self-pity and the like. I had felt like a hollow phoney, and that anyone, anytime, could put the needle into my balloon and crush me.
When I suddenly was me, I could see that I was able both to give love and receive low. I came in contact with my worthiness, the fear of being called a phoney slowly vanished. And this, to actually be aware of this ego-business, making ourselves bigger than we are, could really be a change-maker.
Today I think there are people who believes that the ballon is big for real. They overestimate themselves - sometimes depending on conditioning, the belief that one needs to be big and boasty to be a success. And then there are other people who really tries to look bigger than thet are, to cover a strung sense of inadequacy.
What if we start loving ourselves as we are. If we let go of the balloon? How would it be to be us, then? What changes would happen inside and outside in the world, outside our busy minds?
Reflections from a love warrior
