What if you are here to serve your gifts?

I am sitting on a train, on my way to a little town in the southwest of Sweden. In some hours I will have a four hour seminar for senior citizen. The subject I am supposed to speak about is huge. Sweden will soon have ha referendum on being a member of the European union or not, and many senior citizens wants to have knowledge before voting.

As I sit there on the train I am getting more and more nervous. It’s a big assignment for me. And what if they ask questions can’t answer? There is a lot of ”what ifs” in my head. Loads of worries. And then I phone my husband, whining about my fears. He listens for a little while, and then:

– Charlotte, your focus is wrong. You think about how they will receive you, not what you want to give them. Stop thinking about yourself, focus on them and on what they need to hear .

And something happened in me. It was like the whole scenery changed. I was supposed to be there for them, I didn’t have to worry so much about how they looked at or thought about me. And there was an instant relaxation. The changing of perspective was crucial to me. And when I, more than 20 years later, am nervous to stand infront of a group I sometimes remember this episode.

If I widen the perspective I think that I, and so many of us, want to be seen, loved and respected. For some the main reason (which might be hidden even for ourselves) might be to be loved and appreciated. It’s like standing there, having everybody look at us, might create a sense of value, or even a reason for living. Like we get imbued by love, and can live on that energy for a while. ”Others appreciate and love me, therefore I have value.” And my experience is that this often happens on a subconscious level. We might not be aware of this longing to be seen.

What my first husband helped me to be aware of, is another possibility. It’s that I can be the one serving, giving, sharing, giving something with the audience. And my own conclusion is that this is a possibility to share love, to spread love into persons willing to receive it.

If you see this as a golden rays of energy. What happens in the first case, when I am craving attention from the audience? When ”I” is in the center, then the golden rays goes from the persons in the audience towards me. In the second case, when I serve, my light, my golden rays, are spread to the persons in the audience open to receive.

When I, during the years, have been seeing me as the person who wants to give something to the audience, workshop participants etc, there is a shift, often the persons feel seen (because they are) and appreciated. The can feel that they are important, that I am there for them, not vice versa.

Underneath this you can trace something that has to do with value. When I need the support from an audience or a participant to feel my value, then I have given my personal power away. And when I own my value, I don’t die from negative feedback, and an audience that doesn’t show any response. Of course I get happy when getting applause, and of course I can feel sad if people dislike what I am saying or who I am. But I don’t longer identify with peoples views of me. I have a value, even if I have critics.

But the main thing in this exploration is:
*What if we serve our gifts, rather than standing out there only to get ovations, to get praise? *
*What would happen if we owned our value? *
*What would happen if we saw the audience as friends and helpers? *
What would it be like to fill an arena with love?