What if vulnerability is an important key?

This client of mine, I’ve met him several times. He is craving for touch, to be seen by a loved one, and he is so freaking afraid to be rejected that nothing really happens. The magic isn’t there.

I meet his eyes, I am listening, I am there for him. I give him space and massage. And I give him some small homework to try out with the loved one.

And then he comes back. Sometimes he looks very small, even though his a mature man to the years. And I wonder what makes it so difficult for him to come closer to the loved one, to be really intimate.

Sometimes he rants about his difficulties, and it’s like he often plays the same tune, name the same difficulties, and it’s like he slowly transforms into a victim. And it hurts in me to see this inability to sit at the steering wheel.

One day I ask him: Have your ever told her, what you tell me?

He just looks at me. ”Tell her, what I tell you??”

• To me you say what is, you talk about your insecurities, your pain. You tell me what you avoid, and what you long for. Have you shared that with her?

He just looks at me, again. It’s like I’ve proposed something unimaginable. ”Say what is”.

For a while he looks like something hollow. It’s like my idea is threatening to him.

”If you say what is, you show vulnerability, and that might become a heart opener”, I say.

And it’s like he never ever in his life have considered to share whats going on inside him. And I understand that he’s been hiding most of his life. 

And I ask him to really try it out. Try vulnerability out. And he nods.

After the session I reflect on what happened. To me it’s natural to share what is. I make conscious decisions around what to share, and then I do it. And the most common response, is that I feel love pouring towards me from the person I share with. It’s like we create a soft and intimate space, just by saying what is present in the moment. And naming any fear, worries, shame or guilt that is present. Include what is usually pushed away to the shadows. 

And from that space streams love. It might be almost terrifying to start sharing, but when the words starts coming, when eye-contact is there, what usually happens is love. Even if you reveal something that you usually are ashamed of.

And I also learned something new about myself. That sharing, that being vulnerable (also sharing the light), has become something natural to me. Maybe thats why it took so ling before it hit me: Being vulnerable might not be something natural for everyone. 

And my experience is that vulnerability is one important key for a love-warrior to understand herself and fellow human beings.