A Living workshop: ”How you can lose money in a minute, and then get stuck for ages.”

I have a confession to make. 

I joined a secret tribe of women, a Living workshop, and I lost 5,000 dollars. I wish that I would have listened to my inner voice that whispered:  ”Stop, don’t do it, you are crazy, you are going to lose money. It’s a pyramid scheme, please, please don’t join.”

I joined because I was flattered to be invited, and because I was more or less broke. I thought I needed money, and that this was a fast, smart and interesting solution to my problem.

It wasn't. It was quite the opposite. I had to borrow money to join. And then I lost the money, and now I feel both guilt and shame.

And as I’m finally starting to scrutinize this, I get a terrifying insight. It’s worse than that. It’s about women putting themselves into debt to join these circles.

Now I am going to tell my personal story, and I hope it will help and strenghten you to decline offers like this one. 

Before telling my story, which comes from my own experience, and is my truth, there are lingering three questions: 

• How does it feel to be a woman, responsible for putting up to 24 other women into debt?

• How does it feel to know that every recruitment forces a new woman to do the same?

• And how does it feel to use the money that derives from that?

I learned to be a sister late in life. I guess part of the reason is that I grew up with a brother. And I didn’t really understand girls, and what they did. I never liked to play with dolls. Later, in school, I learned that I wasn’t okay. I was excluded from friendship with other girls, and the main bully, a girl,  was mean to me. Later on in life I shared secrets with women, who then betrayed me.

So I’ve had some issues with trust when it comes to women. And I knew I needed to heal that, but how?

Some 15 years ago I started to meet women in circles. We met and shared what was on our minds, we meditated and listened to each other. There was vulnerability and trust. Sometimes the circles were aimed at something more, like personal growth, learning more about meditation or co-writing projects.

I also led some women circles. My circles were a place to relax, to grow, to be seen, to be accepted as who we were. Even if I sometimes was the leader, we were sort of equal in those groups. And I started to believe that I, finally, could trust women again. 

Then my life fell apart. I had lost my money, I divorced my husband, and I didn’t know where I could or should live. I was in a vulnerable space. And of course I longed for connection, safety, trust… and money. 

It was at that moment a dear and trusted friend of mine, whispered in my ear about a sacred and secret women’s circle, that would provide me with sisterhood and prosperity! In just a little time I would be given 5,000 dollars from 8 women…  I just needed to put in 5,000 dollars myself, first. In my mind’s eye I saw a possible prosperous future for myself. And I didn’t think that this could be an sophisticated pyramid scheme or that there where similarities with the infamous Nigeria-letters, you know the ones that start with ”Your uncle in Nigeria just passed, and to get your heritage, you just need to pay a sum in advance…”

The rhetoric was covered in buzzwords, that I recognized and liked (at the time). I got seduced, by the nurturing and empowering promise of being part of a Living workshop. When I was invited, my friends described it as a golden place, a place of love, compassion and sisterhood. And since I knew them, trusted them, and loved them, I joined. And I guess one of the pieces that  ”got me”, was one of them saying: ”I would do this workshop, even if I don’t get my money back, it’s the most valuable circle I’ve been in.” Later I came to understand what this rhetoric was used for: To hook me up. 

The entry ticket to the workshop is to give the leader (called the lotus) of the circle 5,000 dollars. So I needed to sign a statement, where I assured that this money was a gift (and now I realize this was a way to work under the radar from tax authorities and laws in different countries.) ”I have agreed under this gift contract to not reassert any rights to the property that I now give freely as a gift to another individual,” (from Living workshop document).

*

Well, it didn’t take long before I saw the poisoned arrow… so to speak. So how does it work, then? In brief it’s like this:

A woman entering the circle is called a seed, and her work is to bring in her ”gifting energy” (aka give money to the woman in the top position, the lotus). From seed the woman becomes a sapling. As a sapling  she is going to activate her ”invitation energy” (aka invite two other women to the circle). The third position is  the blossom, who’s role is to activate her ”supporting” energy (aka be part of the leader-triad) . And finally she achieves the lotus-position where ”receiving energy” is activated (aka lotus accepts gifts from 8 women in seed positions, and then she leaves the circle, is in effect ”birthed out”). 

A circle is filled when there are eight seeds, the lotus leaves, and the circle is split into two, and the women is changing position. The seeds turn to saplings, the saplings to blossoms, and the blossom to lotus.

When I had given away that money, there was no way back. It didn’t take me long to see this wasn’t a place for me, but I stayed, because of the money.

I have seen love and vulnerability in the circle. And I’ve also seen sisters fight, gossip, projecting things on each other. And I guess that is a natural development, since it’s clear to me that a Living workshop is, in my view, a devastating cocktail. The more I learned from going from seed, to sapling, to blossom, ( I never came to the top position as lotus) the more evident it was to me, that a circle like this risks to bring out the worst in the participants. And I saw it happen.

When I accepted the invitation to the Living workshop, I didn’t analyze ”the offer” I got. Why would I suspect a dear friend to trick me into something, that might even be illegal? And now, with perspective I see this:

Before a woman could get her 40.000 dollars, 24 women would have to give 5.000 dollars each, since the circle needs to be filled with eight new ”gifting” women, three times, before it’s time for the seed, the new woman, to receive ”gifts” herself. That means, that before a ”seed” can start to ”cash in”, other women need to give away 120.000 dollars. 

Now I also realize that most women joining a Living workshop is somewhat like me. Most of them don’t have the money, and have to borrow the amount from banks or friends. That means that most of the women entering will put themselves in debt. 

Sources in New Zeeland said, already in 2016, that only 12% of the women would arrive at the top position and be given money from sisters entering the circle. 

Which means that 88% of the women risk ending up like me - losing my ”deposit”, leaving the circle with shame, and still in debt.

The phenomena I was invited to have changed names over the years. When I left, it was called ”A living workshop”.  

It is painful to write this. 

It’s painful to confess my feelings of being betrayed and fooled. 

It’s painful to feel the frustration and guilt the thought of a Living workshop still gives me. 

And then comes the shame. Over and over again, I ask myself how I could be as naive and stupid to join. One of my only consolations today, is that I didn’t succeed in any of my attempts to recruit new sisters. And I am happy to be responsible for ”collapsing” the circle I was in. 

I saw women turning into recruiters of new sisters. I didn’t like it. It was like they were transformed to predators, searching for victims to enroll. There’s something almost diabolic to it. I mean, the only chance a woman has to get her money back (and be given money from new sisters) is to invite new women. So every entering woman, will take the recruiting woman one step closer to cash day. I’ve seen women get exhausted from trying to persuade women to join the circles. And I’ve seen women entering up to three circles at the same time, making a Living workshop their mission in life.

What I see now, is like an enchantment happening. Sisters who talks about sacredness, community and leadership, when in reality it’s something else. I would like to call it a pyramid scheme hidden behind beautiful words. 

I am not the only one:

Essentially a pyramid scheme, disguised as a touchy-feely, nurturing, empowering circle, the movement is a hot topic from California to Hawaii to Byron Bay, but is seldom a topic of open discussion.

Those involved aren't allowed to talk openly about it and those who've walked away are often ashamed. Some are in jail, having been convicted of fraud. For the vulnerable, the embracing new-age rhetoric blurs the fact that the scheme is unsustainable, designed to leave behind a few big winners and many losers, with only about 12 per cent of members ever making a profit and the rest recording a loss. 

Source: https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/87103322/spiritually-transmitted-disease-the-poison-lotus

I have been approached by people representing different pyramid schemes and MLM-enterprises the last 20 years or so. Once, in 2002, I actually put some money into a pyramid scheme, and lost the money. So I am both aware of the risks and wary when someone approaches, asking me to sell stuff (essential oils, juices, washing powder, adult toys etc). But something made me off guard this time.

I got flattered by my friends, when they told me that the only women they invited were committed, intelligent, heart-centered women with the capacity to be a leader. They told me that the aim of the tribe was to ”create prosperity” (aka ”you get enough money to fulfill your dreams”) among the sisters. It was like I was admitted into something very special, to be a part of a sisterhood that wanted women to thrive. And I blush as I confess that I was flattered by being asked to be a part of something with the intention to ”empower ourselves and other women to fulfill our dreams”. 

Well, you might see me there, flattered enough to accept to give away 5,000 dollars I didn’t have. 

And as I made some tries to recruit women to the circle, I realized that 40,000 dollars, seems like a lot of money, only for them who doesn’t have them.

*

With this payment came a commitment. To be a good and contributing sister, I also had to commit to attend a zoom-meeting once a week, ”a wisdom call”, and a private meeting with a sister once a week. If I missed a meeting three weeks in a row, I could get kicked out of the tribe, because that was proof that I didn’t hold it as my first priority, and that I wasn’t doing my duty towards my sisters in the tribe.

I started to be a part of the weekly meetings. Slowly I realized that the engagement in the tribe was time consuming. As I was upgraded within this system, it became more and more time consuming. I reached the level of blossom, and at that time I spent at least ten hours a week to fill my commitment to the sisters. And yes, soon I was exhausted, but I stayed in it, way too long, because of the mirage of hopefully geting the 40.000 dollars to kick-start my new life.

I am ashamed that I accepted the invitation in the first place, and that it took me so long to leave. There are loads of documents about how a sister should behave, and what she could achieve, and it was also outspoken that the foundation for the tribe is ”the law of attraction”. 

Looking back at it, it’s sort of paradoxical, I’ve never believed in the law of attraction, and still I entered. It’s like the well-known saying, ”the last thing that leaves a person is hope”. I can see me sitting there, in the meetings that lead to me entering the tribe. I see myself being accepted, at the same time as I had doubts, and I see myself ignoring the doubts. Because I was under the impression that I needed this money. That’s my shame. 

There’s more to my shame. I want to be a loyal and trustworthy person. So  until now I have not talked publicly about my experiences, staying loyal.

But now it is time to meet this shame, my shame. Why didn’t I react when I read that neither lawyers nor journalists where welcome to the tribe? (Maybe because I didn’t see those documents until I had been accepted?) 

I guess this secrecy is both the curse and the gift of a Living workshop. When on the inside, our hands are tied behind our backs, to prevent us from talking about it, and risk hearing people questioning it all, or even call it a pyramid-scheme. I mean, how could a sacred space, filled with heart-centered women, be a scam? By not allowing us to even mention our participation in the workshop, not talking about it in public areas (like a café) there was a perfect lock-in effect. To not be seen as a traitor, I kept the secrecy. 

*

This summer I met a friend who had abstained from entering the tribe. She looked at me with clarity, when I told her that I had left the sisterhood, 5,000 dollars poorer. She said:

– Now you see what this is. The women who join are women without money, and many of them need to borrow money to give 5,000 dollars to the leader of the sisterhood. It’s a typical pyramid scheme.

I was part of the tribe for nearly three years. When our circle collapsed, I was so relieved. I was free from the weekly meetings, and I don’t ever have to try to recruit women into a something like this again. 

I cannot blame anyone for my choices. I walked into this with open eyes (but without all the facts). What I can do is to tell you what happened to me, and thus help you to make your own more informed choices. And I hope you choose a clear NO to anyone trying to persuade you to a thing like this because there is - from my perspective - very little chance that you get your money back. You might like to sit in zoom-meetings with beautiful women, but I am absolutely sure that you can find other ways to do that.

As I write this, I am extremely happy that my attempts to recruit new members to the tribe failed. Because if I had succeeded I would have forced them to give away a (at least to me) large sum, and stay in the tribe for years, themselves being forced to recruit even more women, and so on. I have not lured any woman into borrowing money to be a part of this. 

You might ask if I would have written this if I had ascended to the lotus position? Well, I do not know. But what I know is that I didn’t qualify to be a lotus, since I just couldn’t invite women with all my heart. And I am very grateful that I didn’t! I payed the price, but I didn’t put other women into dept.

So, if you are ever asked to pay 5,000 dollars, to prove that you are a leader-to-be, and be part of a secret and sacred tribe, refuse. 

If you are looking for a women’s circle, search for one that is open, that you can talk about, which has a purpose (for example writing a book together). If you want to be a better leader, choose a program that is nor hidden nor secretive, where you can talk to other students, and make informed decisions about your participation. And don’t get flattered when being asked to join. 

And I would like to send a special notice to women who consider themselves to be spiritual. They seem to be the main target for recruiters. The tribe is filled with them. Women hoping for abundance, women hoping that ”sisterhood” will make them happier, smarter, more openhearted and richer. There are other ways. Find one.