As times goes by - on life, death and birthdays

Staffan and I on the souther most cape in South Africa, a year ago.

Bromma, Stockholm, Sweden February 12 2021
Today it’s my beloveds Birthday. And in Sweden this birthday is special. At 65 you go from working to becoming a senior citizen. In Staffans case, he has taught me a lot of relaxation, resting, taking it easy, since I meet him some five years ago. So he is really good at that, taking it easy. He also has another tempo than me. Me being faster, more energized, like electrified, and he with his slowness and integrity.

And I realize how fast our days passes. The other week we were saying our goodbyes to his father, who died from dementia around new years. So apart from his Mum, now 88, he is the last generation, the oldest generation, next in line for dying and leaving his body.

Of course I want him to live a long life, I want to hang out with him, love him, be with him, make love to him, sleeping next to him, curled like a little kitten. (He often says that I am like a puppy… playful, and wanting a lot of caressing).

And at the same time we all will be born, live and than die. Without exceptions. And as I grow older, and as Staffan gets older, the slow dilapidation of the body happens. Staffan having a heart condition  (atrial fibrillation), taking medication for the heart to beat slower, makes life now so precious.

Us at the Leopard rock in the Cederberg mountains, on Staffans last Birthday.

I value each day, each breathe, and I live now, enjoying life now.

I am less scared of death today, than I was when I was younger.

And at the same time, we had a sudden death in the family this week. A 15 year old boy, not waking up after sleep. His mother finding him dead. The most dreadful I could ever imagine.

And his death reminds me of being alive.

I’ve done a lot of death processes. Being in meditation, imagining my own death, the funeral, the forgiving others and my self. I’ve met the question: What would I prioritize if I had one more month in this life… And what I see is… I would pretty much to what I do now. Being in the little circle, with my loved ones. I realize how important they are… and it’s become so evident during the pandemic.

And now it’s Staffans Birthday. And his wishes for to day is champagne and love-making. And I will be super obedient and focused on fulfilling his wishes.

Kissing at the Cape of Good hope february 2020.

With love from Charlotte… three and a half years younger than Staffan. <3