What if it’s time to stop being used, and start co-creating for real?

Often in my life, people ask me to help them out in their projects for free. Nowadays I have become mor picky around this. Today I choose when to co-create and on what terms. And I love it when co-creation really happens. And as I set sound boundaries, interesting things show up.

But first a one of my stories.

I’ve been working as a journalist, author, ghost-writer and editor. I’ve earned my living doing that (and partly still do). And it happens that I feel flattered when someone is approaching me, asking for my help. And I’ve done what they have asked, and then, something enters into my system, it’s like a dripping feeling, and each drop whispers: You allow yourself to be used, because you are so dependent on being liked and being good, and being trustworthy.

It could be a neighbor who had written a little book on his speciality, or someone writing a book on their lives, or someone about to fill a website with content, or a person who wanted to write a best-seller, without the skill some writers/authors have.

And I gave feedback, and I was proofreading, and even helping them writing. And sometimes I got a thank you. It was like reading, writing and editing isn’t really skills, and to ”read my piece doesn’t take much time.” So it was like if I would mention money transactions they would say I was greedy.

And it started to annoy me. I started to feel used. And I tried a new way, to ask them to pay a low price based on friendship, and they could answer ”I don’t have that much money…” and I felt guilty. But at the same time I said: Well, if you want me to work on your material, you need to pay me… And often, they just withdraw.

Worse was the people who approached me and said: You know I have this idea to a thriller, but I can not write it. Could you be my ghostwriter and we share the profit (once there was actually a guy, who didn’t even have a clear idea about the plot, but thought I could write his bestseller for pennies…)

or ”You know, I have lived this amazing life, and I know that the book will become a bestseller. But I need you to write it.” And sometimes I have given space to listen to them, asking what they want to tell in the book, and they start do blurt out things in total disorder, and I ask: But what do you want to tell (them having no idea that all the words they throw at me, where sort of useless, in the unrefined form). And then I realized what I had to say:

”Are you aware that you ask me to write your book for free?”

”But, it’s going to be a best-seller. I know.”

”If you were certain, you would be prepared to invest in the project and pay me for my work.”

And there it died. And I was happy about being able to have both integrity and setting boundaries.

So what has happened to me (even in other areas) is that people sense my capacity, and approach me with an idea, and at the end of the day, I was doing their work, they didn’t commit themselves, and it sort of crumbled, and me feeling utterly disappointed, having tried to realize their project, and later not even being thanked for the effort I put into that.

And now I’ve found other solutions. Too co-create for real. And also to participate actively in other persons projects. And I know that there will be things happening, derived from this workshop, that will be co-creative. And I’m looking forward to that.

This afternoon I had a meeting with a friend, and also a tantra teacher, and at the same time a down to earth, and walking her talk-person, and we have outlined a new podcast together. And here it’s gonna be co-creation. And it’s so obvious to me, that this is what I need. Love, compassion, co-creation, boundaries and integrity.