What if unconditional love is a mirage?

If I am really, really true, am I an unconditional lover?
I don’t think so.
Even if I have a wide and open heart, it has limits.
What if I own that, instead of feeling guilty over an incapacity to love all, unconditionally.

In different tribes there are different ideals. And I meet people who strive for a perfection that isn’t mine. It’s like so much needs to be unconditional, wide open hearts, a capacity to give a partner total freedom, a love without needs, without shame, without jealousy, without fear.

I am no such person. If that is what takes to be a real tantrica, then I am a fake tantrica.

But if the ideal is ”being what is, no matter what it is”, then I am closer.

It happens that I feel small. It happens that I feel grand.
It happens that I am afraid. It happens that I am bursting of joy.
It happens that I am jealous. It happens that I am like a free bird.
It happens that I envy. It happens that I am jumping of joy from a smile.

I mean life is a string of moments, where some are big, some are small, some are boring and some just are.

I think it’s good to strive for things. Like I have been striving to understand myself. And you have something else to strive for. But this strive for an ideal, couldn’t that be like a roadblock? If you are striving towards being unconditional in your love, what steps do you need to take to go there? What fears are you going to meet? What will happen to you if you aim at leaving anything or everything that has conditioned you until this moment?

What happens if we let go of ideals and simply live life?

What would happen if I just accept that there are limitations to my love? That I have needs? That I want a relationship with reciprocity? What it ”the sexually freest person is the best” is a misconcept?